I’m a 32 year old woman and regret so much of my past. I have partied since I was 22 and can’t find a decent job, so I wait tables. I have a college degree in biology, but my family told me I’m too scattered to ever make it as a science teacher so I gave up. I have hated my mother and my father for abusing and raising me wrong. I have all this pent up shit that makes me want to blame my family for where I am today. I know I can change my life around but I don’t know where to start. It’s like I can’t stop blaming other people for how hard my life is. I have a really hard time in relationships and I know it’s all because of my parents. I’ve been in therapy for almost ten years. Is there an easier way? I want a good life. I’m tired of talking about my past.
~I just want a new me.
I’m sorry you are going through so much. It’s natural to wish things were different. You are not alone. Your feelings are shared by thousands of people who have endured the same kind of set-backs. In the words of writer Tom Robbins, “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”
Believe it or not you are doing great. Just by being in a self-awareness process you are taking steps to let go. The first part of letting go is usually getting a little angry, then to realize you can’t change the past, you can only change the present and each new present moment creates a new future.
It’s time to love the life that is happening to you and not wish for a life that isn’t happening.
You are only 32, you have a lifetime of joy and love ahead of you. Perhaps instead of a therapist try a coach or mentor, or surround yourself with people that believe in you. I think the number one thing that people can do to change their past is simply by surrounding themselves with people who are feeling good and love their lives.
Fall in love with the messy parts of your life and remember that it is our shadows that create the contours of our personality. You are in a place where you now have the ability to impact so many people that have gone through similar situations. That, and you are young enough to find a wonderful man and have a wonderful family. Never give up. You will get there. How about brushing up on biology at a local community college? Ask yourself, “What do I want to do now?” With one small step at a time you can create momentum for a whole new you.